Category: Personal

Back to the Shadows

Take all the time you need to heal emotionally.
Moving on doesn’t take a day, it takes lots of little
steps to be able to break free of your broken self.
— Tere Arigo

No matter how bad you want a person, if your hearts are
in two different places, you’ll have to pass and move on.
— Alexandra Elle

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.
When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.
— Lao Tzu

This post has been a long time in coming mainly, I think, because [……]

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Obligatory New Year's Post

"Since it's traditional to break my New Year's resolutions, I think this year I'll try for being fat and lazy and see what happens."

"I can't believe it's been a whole year since I didn't become a better person."

"My New Year's resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes."

I don't do resolutions. At least, I don't do them well. Never have and likely never will. When I was younger I used to make resolutions as more of a gag. Like "eat more chocolate". Back then I still had a metabolism that could meet that challenge head on and [……]

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Meh. -rry Christmas

I almost wish there weren't a holiday season.
I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to
have a holiday season to emphasize it?
— Charlie Brown

Well, it looks like my annual holiday depression has arrived and this year it's kind of a doozy. For the past few days, I've been struggling to mentally keep my head above water. My standard joking line over the past few years has been, "Buy one divorce, get a depression free." Sadly, all good humor is rooted in truth and there have been times when it has been difficult to wake up and [……]

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Len-ding Support (See what I did there?)

"... and thank you for your support."
— Frank Bartles and Ed Jaymes

I was ever so gently admonished by Len this week for not sharing what's on my mind when something is bothering me. To quote the great Jim Dale as the narrator of Pushing Daisies, the facts are these.

I've not been sleeping particularly well for the last couple weeks and one day I offhandedly mentioned in a text to her that I guess I had too much on my mind. But every time she asks about it, I seem to deflect the conversation back to her as I try [……]

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What's love got to do with it?

I mentioned in an earlier post how I had built up emotional walls after my ex-wife left in order to keep anyone from getting close. You see, I was going through my life pretty much blissfully ignorant of any problems in my marriage. I always joke around that men are pretty simple and not all that bright and that when women tell us that nothing's wrong, we believe them. But apparently, a lot of things had been festering under the surface in my ex's head that I didn't even know were issues until they had grown to such a magnitude [……]

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So where am I now?

I guess the first step in writing about a personal journey is to establish a baseline -- a line in the sand to document where I am now -- which will serve the additional purpose of bringing former readers up to speed on the past few years while the blog has been inactive.

My path to this point has been laid out for a long time so I won't rehash all of that. Here are the updates that are pertinent to the scope of this blog.

  • Life stuff: The ex has remarried (to the guy mentioned in the archive post) and moved
[……]

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My ideal woman

I've been thinking a lot recently about my future - specifically about whether I am interested in a future relationship. If nothing else, I've decided that I won't consider anything until my daughters are both out of the [……]

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The fall (and hopefully reprise) of Phydeaux

[Ed. note - This post was initially written in October 2010 but wasn't posted to the front page until now (April 2011), when I need to follow up with updates.]

- - - - -

Yesterday,
     All my troubles seemed so far away,
     Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
     Oh, I believe in yesterday.
                            ⋮
Yesterday,
     Love was such an easy game to play,
     Now I need a place to hide away,
     Oh, I believe in yesterday.

                            Paul McCartney

The pathway is broken
     And the signs are unclear
     And I don't know the
[……]

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Here's to good friends...

This weekend, SWMBO and I went to dinner with a group of our closest friends in what has become an annual New Year's event. We always use this time to reflect on the prior year and look toward the coming one.

We usually sit around and talk about the major things that have happened to us during the year and try to predict what will happen soon or what we have planned in the new year.

While we still did all of that, this dinner had a slightly different tone. You see, this year has been an especially turbulent one. As a [……]

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