The Unknown and the Unknowable
Erica loves me.
I don't understand why but she does. It's mind-blowing and sometimes overwhelming to think that this wonderful, beautiful woman wants to be with me. See she's amazing. As I said, she's beautiful, with golden hair and a smile that lights up my world and melts my heart. She incredibly intelligent and one of the most capable people I've ever known. I have absolutely no doubt that she can do anything and everything she puts her mind to and do it well. And she cares. About causes, issues, and people, she cares deeply and passionately. And these only scratch the surface. She's simply amazing.
And, well, I'm just not. I feel like a mediocre screw-up loser most of the time just making my way through the day. I've told her more than once that I don't know why she wants me when she can have anyone she wants. She has always demurred sweetly and sincerely. But I'm still left with the question. And maybe I always will be because I don't feel worthy of it.
Despite all of the times I've failed her, hurt her, been a stubborn, selfish jerk or just clueless idiot, she still holds on and cares. In spite of the times I've pushed her away and hid in the metaphorical corner, she finds me and pulls me back. When I'm in a dark place and can't find my way, she's a point of light. She loves me – scars, flaws, issues, and all – and not only doesn't let me go but tries to help me be better. I think about it and it brings tears to my eyes. I truly don't deserve a love like that.
But she gives it anyway.