I've been thinking a lot recently about my future - specifically about whether I am interested in a future relationship. If nothing else, I've decided that I won't consider anything until my daughters are both out of the house and I'm in a more permanent living situation. That means at least three years or so of singlehood. That's a lot of time to get into a very comfortable rut that I may have no desire to break free of. It's kinda nice to have the freedom to do what you want when you want to. Couple all of that with my general disdain for womankind at the moment (not specific women, mind you - just the female half of the species as a whole) and I could very well remain single for my remaining days.

All of that aside, however, I was thinking about what kind of person I would want to be with should that time ever come around. So I hereby present my

List of Characteristics of the Ideal Woman Who Doesn't Exist So It's All Pretty Academic Now, Isn't It

My ideal woman would:

• be a devoted follower of Christ
• love God more than she loves me
• love my kids almost as much as I do
• always prefer jeans and an oversized sweatshirt as her wardrobe of choice but, if the situation called for it, could thoroughly rock an LBD and a nice pair of kitten heels
• be able to take some good natured snarkiness, witty verbal sparring and the occasional practical joke
• be able to dish it out as much as take it
• know all the words to "Cheeseburger in Paradise"
• do things or go to events that she doesn't like just because she knew it was important to me
• expect me to do the same
• make an awesome meatloaf
• enjoy a walk in the warm, summer rain even though she'd have to talk me into it
• have a great appreciation of Dire Straits because, as Douglas Adams put it, "Mark Knopfler has an extraordinary ability to make a Schecter Custom Stratocaster hoot and sing like angels on a Saturday night, exhausted from being good all week and needing a stiff drink."
• not need to be told who either Douglas Adams or Mark Knopfler are
• cry at sappy chick flicks even though I would relentlessly make fun of her about it
• understand my compulsion, as a drummer, to bang out random beats on any available surface at any given time
• be able to discuss theology, classic literature and the current geopolitical situation, but would get absolutely giddy if she happened to find a Rocky & Bullwinkle marathon on TV
• understand why I love "Joe vs. the Volcano" so much
• like to hike
• have some cute, fidgety habit - like constantly brushing that rogue lock of hair behind her ear even though it's gonna just fall loose again in a few seconds - and I would miss it terribly when she wasn't around
• be able to sing - harmony, even
• do a great Kermit the Frog impression and would sing "The Rainbow Connection" without too much prodding
• find it impossible to listen to Eva Cassidy's rendition of "Over The Rainbow" without getting at least a little lump in her throat
• call me sometimes just to say "Hi"
• have an incredible smile - dimples are a plus