Beautiful Vapor

she floated in on the wind
    like a beautiful vapor
        enticing me to breathe her in

she ran through my veins
    pervading every corner of my mind --
        until i realized that i was alone

with nary a hint of breeze
    she was gone
        as suddenly as she had come

the beautiful vapor
    which was never really there
        to begin with

Jesus is for Losers

I once heard someone ask, "If Jesus walked into your church, would he like what he found there?" The speaker was making the point that we tend to place so much meaningless emphasis on things that don't matter a hill of beans in the long run and I can't say that I disagreed with him. But through the years, I have come to believe that if Jesus came to Earth, he wouldn't walk into any church. Based on the examples shown in the Bible, I believe he would probably go hang out where the homeless folks congregate or go talk [……]

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Clear the Air

We need to talk
because
I need to
clear the air.

You see, I'm finding it
hard to breathe
these days;
there's so many ways
this can go wrong.
I feel like I don't belong here.
Like I'm not allowed to
be in love
with you
but, oh,
I do so
want to.

But --
what do you want?
That is the question
and the great unknown.
In your heart and mind
when you're alone
do you want to find
me
waiting for you?

So many
conflicting thoughts abound.
I turn them
around and around
in my head,
pretending that
I can form [……]

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What's love got to do with it?

I mentioned in an earlier post how I had built up emotional walls after my ex-wife left in order to keep anyone from getting close. You see, I was going through my life pretty much blissfully ignorant of any problems in my marriage. I always joke around that men are pretty simple and not all that bright and that when women tell us that nothing's wrong, we believe them. But apparently, a lot of things had been festering under the surface in my ex's head that I didn't even know were issues until they had grown to such a magnitude [……]

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Christianity is a messy business

Becoming a Christian is easy. Living like a Christian is easy. Doing the things a Christian is "supposed to do" is easy. But actually being a Christian is pretty hard. OK - not really "hard" as in "difficult" but rather "hard" as in "it takes actual work." It requires you to do things that a lot of people — even well-meaning Christians — just aren't comfortable doing. And that's been the case for me for the majority of my life.

For so, so many years I’ve tried to do the right things and read the right things and know the right [……]

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So where am I now?

I guess the first step in writing about a personal journey is to establish a baseline -- a line in the sand to document where I am now -- which will serve the additional purpose of bringing former readers up to speed on the past few years while the blog has been inactive.

My path to this point has been laid out for a long time so I won't rehash all of that. Here are the updates that are pertinent to the scope of this blog.

  • Life stuff: The ex has remarried (to the guy mentioned in the archive post) and moved
[……]

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Where's My Head? : The Relaunch

Yes, you read that right, dear readers - all six of you. The Where's My Head? blog is back from the mostly dead. It turns out that, after spending WAY too long being seduced into Twitter's 140 character arms, that I really miss working out my thoughts and writing them out in a more long-form fashion. And seeing as how I'm wrestling with a lot of emotional and spiritual changes these days, I also really miss the catharsis of writing it out. And that's all this blog was ever really for anyway. It's really more my personal journal that I [……]

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My ideal woman

I've been thinking a lot recently about my future - specifically about whether I am interested in a future relationship. If nothing else, I've decided that I won't consider anything until my daughters are both out of the house and I'm in a more permanent living situation. That means at least three years or so of singlehood. That's a lot of time to get into a very comfortable rut that I may have no desire to break free of. It's kinda nice to have the freedom to do what you want when you want to. Couple all of that with [……]

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The fall (and hopefully reprise) of Phydeaux

[Ed. note - This post was initially written in October 2010 but wasn't posted to the front page until now (April 2011), when I need to follow up with updates.]

- - - - -

Yesterday,
     All my troubles seemed so far away,
     Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
     Oh, I believe in yesterday.
                            ⋮
Yesterday,
     Love was such an easy game to play,
     Now I need a place to hide away,
     Oh, I believe in yesterday.

                            Paul McCartney

The pathway is broken
     And the signs are unclear
     And I don't know the reason why you brought me here
     But just
[……]

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Remembering Luanne

A couple months ago I woke up at 4:30 in the morning thinking about a girl - a girl I haven't thought about in many years. For some reason, my mind wouldn't let go of her memory and I couldn't get back to sleep no matter how hard I tried. Eventually I got out of bed, fired up the computer and did a quick Google search for her name. I was somewhat troubled that there was no information whatsoever about her to be found. None. I decided that there needed to be.

"Why?" you may ask. Keep reading.

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