As I lay myself to sleep,
I turn to you
and whisper a kiss goodnight,
a beautiful rose in the
weedy garden of my thoughts,
in the hope that
the winds will
pluck and carry it
across the miles
and that you will
catch its fragrant perfume
and smile,
knowing that the world
is somehow a bit better
than it was
a moment before.

We need to talk
because
I need to
clear the air.

You see, I'm finding it
hard to breathe
these days;
there's so many ways
this can go wrong.
I feel like I don't belong here.
Like I'm not allowed to
be in love
with you
but, oh,
I do so
want to.

But --
what do you want?
That is the question
and the great unknown.
In your heart and mind
when you're alone
do you want to find
me
waiting for you?

So many
conflicting thoughts abound.
I turn them
around and around
in my head,
pretending that
I can form [……]

I mentioned in an earlier post how I had built up emotional walls after my ex-wife left in order to keep anyone from getting close. You see, I was going through my life pretty much blissfully ignorant of any problems in my marriage. I always joke around that men are pretty simple and not all that bright and that when women tell us that nothing's wrong, we believe them. But apparently, a lot of things had been festering under the surface in my ex's head that I didn't even know were issues until they had grown to such a magnitude [……]

I've been thinking a lot recently about my future - specifically about whether I am interested in a future relationship. If nothing else, I've decided that I won't consider anything until my daughters are both out of the house and I'm in a more permanent living situation. That means at least three years or so of singlehood. That's a lot of time to get into a very comfortable rut that I may have no desire to break free of. It's kinda nice to have the freedom to do what you want when you want to. Couple all of that with [……]