The Benefit of Doubt

Doubt is an uncomfortable condition,
but certainty is a ridiculous one.
Voltaire

There lives more faith in honest doubt,
believe me, than in half the creeds.
Alfred Lord Tennyson

I heard someone talking about doubt the other day and it set my brain into motion thinking about it. We often think of doubt as a negative thing — revealing our lack of faith, showing a character flaw, or ripping the veil from a deep-seated hopelessness that we tend to hide under a false bravado. And while those things may be true to various extents, they certainly don't tell the whole story.

I believe [……]

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Clean as a Whistle

In the fire that ignites my bones
It's in the water that brings life to my soul
It's in the blood that washes me clean
Shawn McDonald

Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real.
Cormac McCarthy — "All the Pretty Horses"

I went back into the office today after working at home for the past three months or so. It was good, I guess, to get back to something more normal but I gotta be honest. I'm gonna miss working from home. It's a pretty sweet gig. Hanging out in either jeans — or some days [……]

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Politics in America

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere,
diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx

One of the reasons people hate politics is that truth is
rarely a politician's objective. Election and power are.
Cal Thomas

Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.
John Kenneth Galbraith

Don't worry. This is not that kind of post. I will not be espousing any candidate or be arguing for any position or ideology. There's plenty of that to be found out there if you want it. Believe me, you won't have to look very hard. [……]

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Vegetables and Broiled Meat

And my skin is burning with the fire of the world
Sometimes my eyes are tricking me
But when the words of His song
Are singing through the birds
I can't help but die, so He can take me higher
Burlap to Cashmere — "Skin is Burning"

Fast food feels fuzzy
'Cuz it's made from stuff that's scuzzy
I always thought I was such a nerd
I refuse to touch that strange bean curd
The Beets (from "Doug") — "Killer Tofu"

So. We're a month out from the end of treatments and everything seems to be going pretty well. The doctors and [……]

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And there was much rejoicing...

Victory is won not in miles but in inches. Win a little
now, hold your ground, and later, win a little more.
Louis L'Amour

Celebrate good times, come on!
Kool & The Gang

Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.
Dory — "Finding Nemo"

By all rights, this should have been written last Thursday afternoon but I got distracted. There was probably something shiny involved. BUT…

Treatments are over!

That's right. No more pumping drugs into my veins. No more sticking my head in the giant microwave.

I still have the aftermath to deal with, mind you. The side effects are still going strong and causing their [……]

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Just tell me the truth

I'm not a baker. I don't sugarcoat things.
Anonymous

That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.
John Green — "The Fault in Our Stars"

Doctors, I've learned, seem to have a flair for understatement.

At least the ones I've been dealing with do. Here's a prime example. Everyone told me that my mouth and throat would get sore from the radiation and that it would be very difficult if not impossible to eat anything. That's why we put in the feeding tube — so I could still have a way to get nutrition in case it got that bad. But [……]

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Good Days and Bad Days

If you had a different attitude
You'd still have good days and bad days
Kaiser Chiefs — "Good Days Bad Days"

You take the good, you take the bad,
You take them both and there you have
The facts of life.

When you're going through treatments like this you have good days and bad days. Yesterday was a bad day.

To be fair, up until now they have mostly been good. Up until now these treatments have been more like things that I had to do every day before I went back to being mostly normal. Intellectually I knew why, of course, but [……]

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Medications and Emotions

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
Michael Guglielmucci — "Healer"

We are stretched to make room for wholeness.
Anonymous

Treatments started last week. A week ago today, to be exact. Today marks the beginning of week two. And all in all I can say, so far so good. Obviously I can't make any pronouncements about the entire process at this point. It is, after all, only one week. And the first of several, at that. Everyone involved, including common sense, has said that the first couple weeks [……]

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Carpet Bombing

Healing is not linear.
Anonymous

Bombs away
But we're O.K.
Bombs away
In old Bombay
Stewart Copeland

It wasn't really my intent for this to become the Cancer Update Blog. There are other things to write about but this has been so seemingly all-encompassing that I've not spent much time thinking about them enough to put together a coherent thought stream about them, much less a decent blog post. Plus, I know that several of you use this as your only way to keep informed about what's going on with that aspect of my life so I'll gladly oblige.

Since last time, I [……]

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Signs of Life

Most of us never stop to consider our blessings; rather, we spend the day
only thinking about our problems. But since you have to be alive to have
problems, be grateful for the opportunity to have them.
Bernie Siegel

You left me barely breathin'
I've had time for the healing
Now I've opened my eyes
I'm showing signs of life
Journey — "Signs of Life"

Home, is where I want to be
But I guess I'm already there
I come home, she lifted up her wings
I guess that this must be the place
Talking Heads — "This Must Be The Place"

Home.

I [……]

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